Is it unreasonable to ask your roommate not to call at 10 pm?

Conflicts in university dormitories often arise due to noise disturbances and differing sleep schedules. How should these problems be handled? The following is a story of a university student's predicament caused by differences in lifestyle habits with their roommate:

question:

• I usually go to bed around 10 PM, quickly wash up when I get back to the dorm so as not to disturb anyone! They all know I go to bed early and get ready early too. Recently, a new roommate moved into our dorm, and she's been talking on the phone with her boyfriend for three nights in a row. The first night, she was very loud, and my roommate said I was sleeping. The next two nights, she was a little quieter, but I still thought it was noisy. I told my roommate B about it: "If she calls again at night, I'll tell her to lower her voice or call before 10 PM!" But B said in a very unfriendly tone: "Her voice is already quiet enough. Besides, she has a boyfriend, can't she talk to him on the phone?" University students turn off the dorm lights at an average of 11 PM (my dorm lights out at 10:30 PM). Our dorm lights out early every day, so why can't she make phone calls? I just want to ask, am I wrong in this situation? But I'm the one being disturbed, so why is everyone siding with the new roommate? Is it too much to ask her not to make phone calls after 10 PM?

answer:

• First, the conclusion: it's excessive. I understand the frustration of being disturbed while sleeping, but I still think your request is unreasonable. Let's clarify the points of contention: you feel your roommate is affecting your sleep, which essentially means she's disrupting your routine. But have you considered that you're the one who's actually affecting others' lives? The school rules state lights out at 11 PM, yet your dorm has to turn off the lights early because of you, preventing normal conversation. Don't you think you're the one causing the most disruption? The phone call only affected you; you're affecting the lives of five people. The other four tolerated you, but that doesn't mean you didn't affect them; it just means one of them wasn't willing to tolerate you. Properly thank those four roommates. As for the other roommate, try to negotiate. If she's willing to compromise, great; if not, find a solution yourself (whether it's earplugs or some other method-after all, if I wanted to sleep early, even my roommates dancing in the dorm wouldn't bother me). You're an adult; your roommates aren't your parents, and they have no obligation to accommodate you. University is a practical training period in the real world. Learn to solve problems independently. No one is expected to think from your perspective. Don't always think about "why" or "how." To give an extreme example: Suppose there's a student who loves studying so much that he doesn't even let the ten-minute break between classes go to waste; he has to read and can't tolerate being disturbed. So, he demands that the whole class not talk or walk around during breaks (like going to the bathroom), saying, "I haven't disturbed you during class; I just want to study." Do you think this demand is excessive?

Knowing how to handle noise is often a skill in dealing with people. When faced with noise, don't always expect others to accommodate you, but never tolerate those who maliciously create noise.

There are generally four steps to solve noise problems:

1. Consider your tolerance: In the urban jungle, buildings are getting taller, overpasses are increasing, and cars are as densely packed as ants. Noise has become a problem plaguing everyone. If you can accept the convenience of the city, you must also accept the noise. Gradually increase your tolerance for noise, such as conversations, walking, and running from upstairs, traffic outside, and dog barking. The more noise of any kind there is, the more you need to learn to accept it, just like accepting the barking of dogs and birds in the countryside.

2. If you can't tolerate it, communicate: If the noise is beyond my tolerance, I don't need to force myself to endure it. It's irresponsible to keep tolerating it. If the upstairs neighbor is throwing solid objects at the floor for no reason, laughing and playing late at night, or playing music and movies on loudspeaker at home... communicate with them to let them know that their noise is affecting others and that their noise is seriously violating noise prevention regulations.

3. If communication fails, resort to legal means: I'm skilled at communication, generally maintaining a gentle attitude. I attribute the main problem to poor sound insulation in the floor, and then explain that the noise is indeed bothering me. If the family is reasonable, this kind of communication usually resolves the issue. If I encounter a rogue, I'll disregard everything and use force to resolve the problem.

4. If the law is ineffective, slowly find solutions from your own perspective: The law does have penalties for noise pollution that is easy to prove (such as parties at home with loudspeakers), but if your upstairs neighbor calls the police in retaliation, they may escalate the noise. Faced with such unreasonable people, the only option is to improve the soundproofing of your house. This is my last resort for self-protection. Because soundproofing requires starting from the basics, it's essentially a complete overhaul.